• Chico Lima & Silva

Grindr is killing us all

Have we thought about how dating apps are killing us a little bit each day?

When I first got Grindr on my phone over 10 years ago I was so excited. I thought how cool I can meet guys and see how far they are. Thought at the time hardly anyone had a smart phone so mostly I saw people overseas or out of towners looking for action. A good change from refreshing Nzdating, manhunt and Gaydar every minute to see who’s online.

Grindr slowly become an addiction – I am sure I am not the only gay who will say, I’m bored let me check my Grindr, I’m in a new city, let me check who’s online, Oh that’s a nice photo of me – let me put it on my grindr profile. It is a constant need of being seen and being know that becomes addictive.

Many times I tried deleting it. I thought maybe I will actually find love the natural way. Meet someone in real life. Usually lasts one – two days until I get bored again or horny and wants to meet someone.

Plus you have to make this beautiful advert to sell yourself in 2 pictures and 150 characters. How much can I say about myself to grab your attention ? Have I facetuned my picture enough? Is this filter ok? (By the way Snapchat dog or cat filters are NOT okay)

I said hi to a 28 year old last week straight away he said “No thanks – I’m not into daddies”.

I’m 32 – am I old enough now to be called a gay daddy? Defnitely not a sugar daddy since I am broke!

I feel like a lot of gay men have this repressed sense or need to be liked – that we are constantly on the different apps looking for a chance, for an opportunity. A moment of intimacy that might make you feel special for a day – or an hour. And then what?

This week after possibly 5 – 6 years I had my first real date in a long time – ok met him through Tindr – but still we decided to skip the typing and actually talk in real life.

Create a connection. It was amazing .

I couldn’t help but wonder – how long do we need to talk online to be able to talk in person?

Feels like more and more people are scared – I hate wasting time and I straight away say let’s meet – let’s talk. But this comes across as too forward – too eager. Why? What happened to walking down the street and having a drink?

But are we building relationships now based on what we type rather than a connection made in person? Can you see more emotion through my emojis than my face?

What also surprises me is how easy people find it to just get rid of you in their life. Sometimes all you say is just hello and they BLOCK you!?

I can understand their point in time saving and just blocking…but what happened to manners? What happened to “Thanks! But no thanks!”.

I noticed at least with me and I’m sure with a few others – it kills us a little bit each day more. Our confidence just goes to an extreme low, making us feel worthless, the anxiety creeps up, we feel alone…. bored. Which starts the vicious cycle again..back online to see who’s around and who might give me a minute of their attention.

Of course this is different to someone who is extremely hot and has a toned beautiful body. They’ve got their selling point and they are busy picking out who they wanna message out of thousands of hopefuls who send them a message hoping for a minute of their time. It’s like people auditioning for American Idol. The American Dream (Gay dream ) A Hot body, connection and a good hook up?

Each day more I keep thinking of the words of Gershwin made forever in the dulcet tones of Ella Fitzgerald… “someday he will come along… the man I love…”

Now will it be through Grindr, Tinder, Growlr, Scruff, Recon, Bumble or any other apps?

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