No pride but prejudice? Being Comfortable...
I've met this guys the first time I came to Melbourne. Beautiful Italian, Sicilian man. Met him on the tram, we were sitting in front of each other and our legs touched and we shared that look of mischief between each other. All I said was I am getting off on the next stop and he followed me. Nothing much happened except a quick you touch mine I touch yours, happy hands end.
We met again - he happen to be in my small town and messaged me through Growlr. As usual I happened to ask my usual questions to guys I hook up with.. What you into? And Are you clean and safe? No prejudice but as I probably mentioned before... do anything you want - as long as it's safe and fun. He said yes and working with gay health he gets tested regularly. No need to say what happened next..
He messaged me again this week. I happened to be going to be near him so we said ..well why not meet again!? God knows I need a little distraction and the exercise. He teased me good - every message got me more and more excited and aroused and I couldn't wait to meet him again. The day before he messaged me and said he wanted to be honest before we hooked up - he still plays safe however he just found out he is HIV+ and if that was ok for us to still hook up.
Part of me freaked out. Growing up in my teens I always been freaked out about this - my friends can be the proof - though most gays don't I use condoms for even blow jobs. Finding out I had two members in my family very close to me who are HIV + had a huge impact on me. Made me always be an advocate for it and promote safe sex - nothing turns me off more than a guy asking for bareback. Sure the sensation must be great but really does he not care for his life? Even if they are already +, does he not think about the future infections, bacteria or diseases he might get that could affect his immune system.
I apologised and said that unfortunately despite we playing safe it wasn't gonna work for me. I wouldn't feel comfortable I would be worried if the condom was in ok, did it break? Am I safe?
I explained I had my own demons dealing with the issues having people close to me who are positive and he said ok not a worry. Prob a let down because we both quite got horny.
I felt bad afterwards. Was I being rude? Was I being prejudice towards his status? I am not judging him whatsoever - Shit happens and unfortunately some people do get sick. All I did was say no but it made me feel bad because I made him feel bad.
However sex supposed to be an open honest thing and fun - which he was very honest. and I appreciate that - not many guys have the guts to say and do what he did.
I couldn't help but wonder about how he felt - how many other guys must have turned him down because of it? Was I just another one who turned him down but was I the only one who cared about it?
I don't think I reached a point in this post but rather questions - In NSA gay sex how many people care about being comfortable and how many people care about being honest?