• Chico Lima & Silva

Swedish or Swiss? Ilusion or Reality?

Not long ago I had one of those really boring nights at home with absolutely nothing to do... and of course as a gay man I looked online for some fun and found nothing.

I went to the local gay bar, looking for sympathy, a little company, I tried to find a friend.. and I did.

I was outside having a drink with a mate when suddenly I see this gorgeous dark hair bearded guy give me a simple a smile.

I'm usually pretty shy, but I decided to give it a go and talk to him ...event hough he seemed a bit too much for me..

We started talking and we got talking how we both been to Buenos Aires... (ah.. Argentinian post!) We got a drink together and started dancing and within the next 5 minutes each others tongue seemed to be twisted within each other. He asked if I wanted to go back to his place, something I've never done before within the first 5 minutes but I decided to go.

I had the time of my life, the most adventurous sex I ever had (ALWAYS SAFE BOYS OF COURSE!). He moved my body in different ways, his smell was contagious and exhilarating.

It was probably the best experience I had with another man, when I finished I felt so exhausted but at the same time so full of energy - I was ready to go again. But do you know when if you go another time you scared it won't be as good as the first?

He took me home and told me how he was on a holiday here with a friend and was here for three months only. he gave me his name and phone number - which the following day I lost and could never find it again!

I never forgot this experience and I thought about how amazing it was - and started imagining how if we ended up together we would have a great relationship and be one of those cool gay couples who travel together and other gays would be jealous.

Thinking of all of this - I couldn't help but wonder, are gay men usually more excited about the illusion of a relationship or about the reality of our lives?

Before I started therapy and realising the power of my thoughts I always thought more about the relationship I never had - I suddenly met someone and started imagining forward - moving things too fast. I wonder if that is why I never really found someone? I always been to fascinated with the idea of finding the perfect man rather than finding a man.

In the words of of the immortal George Gerwshin...

"Someday he'll come along... the man I love..."

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